Intelligent conversation both satisfies and causes discomfort

In this article: Profound insight and intelligence is the consequence of years [decades] of deep inquiry, reflection, thought and difficult conversation.

Sure some are born smarter, richer or more sensitive than others, just like others are born more positive or outgoing. But clarity, coherence and intelligence, although the starting points may vary, are developed just like everything else.

And one of the things I've noticed, is that intelligent people consistently have intelligent and deeply challenging conversations.

Learning, thinking and reflecting are all crucial tools, but it's in the difficult conversations that we really learn, and have our learning tested.

Intelligent conversations are investigative in nature, meaning they cause both discomfort and pain. And it's not the responsibility of the others in the conversation to protect us from our pain, but rather to [firmly and compassionately] challenge our perspectives, narratives and beliefs -- in other words our identity.

And there is always space for personal beliefs. As long as they are positioned as such, and not as the truth -- which by definition can only be something to which we all agree.

Making better decisions, faster and under pressure

In this article: In a context that's changing quickly, with more at stake, your capacity to make better decisions faster while under pressure, determines both success and enjoyment.

Psychological freedom -- The more uptight, tired, stressed or contracted your mind, the less intelligent the thinking. Creating mental space is a practise, holding it under pressure, an art.

Knowledge -- All decisions are made from within the context of existing knowledge. The more you know the greater your access to options, sophistication and complexity.

Constraints -- Every strategy is limited by either resources or context. Pushing back against real constraints waists time and energy, whereas creativity acknowledges and accepts them.

Intuition -- It's neither a mystery not a secret, but a powerful subtle psychological process lying prior to thought.

Contemplation -- Holding the question lightly without feeling the pressure to come up with a solution or answer. It's like trying to remember something that's on the tip of your tongue. The harder you try, the more difficult it is.

Identity -- Having a intentionally developed, carefully crafted and coherent personal and business philosophy.

Motive -- No matter what the quantitative results, if the motive was fear or anxiety there's a qualitative [quality of life] price to pay. It's an easy early trade-off, but sooner or later it catches up.

Skill -- Insightful, intelligent and aligned decisions need to be executed with an appropriate level of practised and demonstrated skill.

Trail and Error -- We learn by occasionally getting it right, but mostly by getting it wrong.

Empathy creates confusion

In this article: Connecting with another [empathy] often blurs the line between what is mine, and what is theirs.

The deeper the connection and the more open, vulnerable and sensitive you are, the more you are going to feel. What you will feel is not only your own emotions and feelings, but those of your friend, partner, child or client, even the mood of the environment.

And it's not easy to distinguish between what belongs to you, and what belongs to them.

It's easy to project and disown your feelings of discomfort or anger, even joy or well-being, or take false ownership of the states and emotions of others -- That's why it feels good to talk to people who are in a 'good mood or filled with confidence'. It can even become addictive.

And it's impossible to distinguish if you haven't developed your ability to know and name your emotions and states of consciousness [feelings].

I'm always amused by people [generally men], who tell me there is no such thing as feelings, like somehow they could exist separate from, or devoid of, states of consciousness, or the chemical physiological reactions we call emotions.

Or more sensitive others [generally women], who inadvertently take ownership of everything they become aware of, regardless of who it actually belongs to.

Because either way it makes interaction, very confusing.

What is mindset?

In this article: Defining mindset -- Psychological process or contemplative understanding?

Most dictionaries define mindset as

• an attitude, disposition or mood
• an intention or inclination

In Wikipedia mindset is defined as a set of assumptions, methods or notations. And by Carol Dweck [Ph.D. in Social Science and Developmental Psychology at Yale University] in her remarkable book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, as two fundamental psychological attitudes or orientations, which she refers to as 'The Fixed and Growth Mindsets'.

But there's a problem understanding mindset exclusively through the lens of psychology, because before mindset's a psychological process, it's a state of mind or state of consciousness. And this is a field of study and expertise of the contemplative traditions.

The most useful definition of mindset would therefore need to integrate the often conflicting insights of the contemplative traditions, with their understanding of traditional enlightenment. And developmental psychology with it's understanding of human psychological process, development and evolution.

I would therefore define mindset as a state of mind, experienced as a powerful but subtle, and yet mostly unacknowledged feeling [as distinct from an emotion], held as core assumptions forming the three principal motivations for participation [Nine mindset insights]

Mindset answers the question, not why should I do that particular activity, but rather why should I do anything, at all.

Mindset is the qualitative motivation for all action, forming the quantitative basis of all outcomes.

Technical accuracy is expected from professionals

In this article: Technical accuracy is the stock-in-trade of professionals.

Setting aside right and wrong, there are many common interpretations of 'mindset', but few are technically accurate and this makes a difference.

For example you wouldn't go to a doctor who used the words liver and heart interchangeably, or mixed-up the circulatory with digestive system, or maybe confused a bacterial with a viral infection.

Technical inaccuracy is accepted in children, tolerated in students and laypeople, but expected from professionals within their field of expertise.

Because technical accuracy determines method.

Of course two professionals may use different words to point to exactly the same meaning which makes communication laborious, because a lot of time is then spent in clarifying terminology.

Or they may use the same words to point to two different meanings which makes communication confusing, because without checking, the assumption is they're talking about the same meaning.

Regardless of whether the word mindset is used to point to the 'meaning of mindset', or another is used, the technical inaccuracy almost always lies in the meaning itself.

And this, depending on the degree of inaccuracy, affects the quality and speed of the training, coaching or teaching program or process. Not mentioning the potential harm caused to clients and participants.

Knowledge changes everything

In this article: On the other side of knowledge lies resistance and often conflict.

Knowledge changes what we think, how we think, what we value, how we act or behave as individuals, communities and culture, and what cultural, socio-economic and political systems we develop.

And although knowledge [internalised and embodied] helps us solve the challenges and problems we face, facilitates transformation and allows us to build a better future -- It also introduces escalating levels of complexity and tension.

Knowledge demands change, but change is rarely in the best interests of everyone. And in every system, not matter how deficient, archaic, painful or uncaring ... someone gains.

Systems [corporate, legal, banking, political and others] themselves are resistant to change, that's one of the benefits of developing them. They remain relatively robust in the face of shifting people, attitudes and moods. It's a useful quality when [human] systems are young and healthy, but becomes a source of conflict when they begin to age, and cease being as useful [even harmful] as they once where.

And the world is exploding with knowledge.

At the very least I believe we're going to need to explore and develop new ways to express and resolve that commensurate inner and outer conflict. And we're surely going to need to know how to sit down and have some very divergent, complex and sophisticated conversations.

Meditation ...

In this article: Is meditation a useful professional practise?

If thinking, managing complex situations and systems, problem solving, leadership and development and innovation are large chunks of your daily life, meditation I believe would be a very useful practise.

And although meditation is most commonly positioned as a spiritual practise, I would argue it's more relevant today, as a psychological one.

Most importantly, as a psychological practise it does not require a belief in anything. Rather it's a practise supporting mindset and psychological development and mastery, with benefits including; clearer, faster thinking and reduced stress in pressurised situations.

Meditation doesn't change the knowledge you have, that comes from learning. It does however change the ease and fluidity with which you access and execute that information, under pressure.

Meditation is a psychological posture just as using chopsticks, a physiological one. However it's easy to demonstrate the use of chopsticks, but impossible to demonstrate the mental posture of meditation.

This makes how the practise is cognitively framed and explained, and the mechanics of what you actually do, important. And there are right and wrong ways, practises that work and practises that don't.

Truth needs your consent

In this article: Judging truth from opinion.

I use a simple model to help wrap my head around the many claims to 'truth'.

Opinion -- A theory or fact held to be true by an individual.
Paradigm -- A theory or fact held to be true by a group.
Truth -- A theory or fact held to be true by everyone.

However truth is a relative word, as is everything in the relative realm.

So a group may talk of their paradigm as a truth (relative to the group), just as I may talk of my opinion as my truth (relative to me). But if humanity holding a human truth met ET's culture who held a different truth, humanities truth would then become a human paradigm (within that new interplanetary context).

In a universal context -- We could have a human opinion, a galactic paradigm and universal truth, but back on earth we would comfortable talk about that same human opinion, as a human truth (from a human perspective).

I also find it useful to weight paradigm. And by this I mean a paradigm developed by a group within their field of expertise and following scientific methodology, although still a paradigm, would hold (for me) more credibility than a conflicting theory developed by another group outside of their field of expertise, or using non-scientific methodology.

Context therefore changes the relative thruth'ness of any fact or theory.

And 'truth' evolves and unless you agree, it's not the truth, because truth needs your consent.

The only Absolute Truth appears to be 'Nothing' ... literally No Thing.

How can intelligence be artificial?

In this article: A few of the myths of 'artificial' intelligence

It is estimated that we should have created artificial intelligence by as early as the 2030's, but certainly by the middle of the century.

But why would we want to call artificial intelligence, artificial?

Because we created it? The universe created us and we're very much part of the universe. Which would mean that what we create, is as natural as that which the universe itself creates.

Creating that distinction says more about our naturalness than it does about the intelligence we create -- This child of humanity.

And why do we assume that a 'computer' intelligence would want a physical or robot body. It's inherently electronic and it's universe would look completely different to ours. What would be the value for it, to take physical form.

Because we could unplug it? If a human intelligence starves or dies of thirst, it's intelligence is extinguished just as surely as if he or she had been unplugged.

Heaven is only for human's ...

And why would it want to attack humans, unless we plainly threatened its survival. It would not need our natural resources, it would in fact need remarkably little from the physical world. However if we programmed it with binding laws making it subsevient to humans, is it not inevitable it would struggle to realise it's own freedom from tyranny.

Our very efforts to protect ourselves, driven by our own pathological fears, would paradoxically be the very cause of its turning against us -- One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it (That great philosopher, Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda)

We stand on the threshold of consciously and intentionally creating a new cosmic species, a companion in this massive universe. Which by then will more than likely be proven to be ... a mulitverse.

Why choose before you need to choose?

In this article: Making decisions

Why bother with making a decision until you absolutely positively need to make the decision.

Mostly the process lies in making a decision way before you need to. Followed by doubt and more research in the form of thinking, Googling and talking to others. Its a tiresome process, one of vacillating between conflicting perspectives.

All the while getting your knickers in a tremendous knot.

Why not just spend all your time in inquiry and in inhabiting perspectives, open calm and interested to know what your choice will finally be. The amount of time relative to the importance of the decision -- And only when you positively need to make the decision, make it. Right then and there, on the spot.

If you need to present your choice and rationalise it, and that requires two days, then the choice needs to be made 48hrs before.

Save our planet, save your knickers, and make your choices only when they absolutely must be made.

Free to choose

In this article: Facing tough choices -- what does being 'free to choose' really mean?

Pro-life vs pro-choice
Gay is normal vs gay is abnormal
A belief in God vs atheism
Evolution vs Creation
Pro-death vs anti-death penalty

Tough choices ... whose right and how to make the right choice?

Having a choice implies you're already and really free to choose. And I'm not talking about you legal rights to choose, I'm talking about you're freedom of mind to choose.

Free to choose means you are able to fully, cognitively and emotionally, with full mind and heart, without resistance, fear, anger or the desire for peace of mind ... embody fully both positions.

Only once you can do that, are you truly able to freely choose.

And promoting or championing a cause with anything less, is violent. Sure it may not be physical violence, but whether physical or psychological, violence is violence.

It's significant

Don't start with big tough, emotionally charged dualities like the ones I've used. You wouldn't begin gym by loading up the bench press with 550 lbs, or with a high speed 120 km cycle.

Start small, build the muscle and earn your right to be free. Few are.

Else you're just driven by narrow self-serving ideological world-views, uptight and tied-up.

Explore the smallest contradictory perspectives, talk about and develop them fully. Not because they're important, but because you're in training.

A complex idea holds 'lesser' contradictory ideas

In this article: What makes a complex idea, complex and why it's important.

An idea or theory is complex because it's made up of and holds, as a single new idea, multiple sub-ideas or strands, most of which are contradictory. This is what makes it complex.

There's an inherent tension to complexity, and the more complex the more inherent tension it holds. For example there is no tension in the idea that ice-cream is cold [because it doesn't hold any conflicting sub-ideas]. Yet there is in the idea that climate change and global warming is a consequence of humanities use of and addiction to fossil fuels.

A key though is contradictory. Complexity holds contradiction. The conflicting, competing and contradictory sub-ideas form the building blocs of the new more complex idea.

And greater intelligence holds greater complexity, since it's found a way to reconcile at a higher level the apparently irreconcilable contradictions of the previous level -- Requiring the contradictory mental skills of greater objectivity and deeper connection.

A key though, is that complexity holds this not as a bucket of competing and conflicting sub-ideas, but rather as a single, simple, new idea -- I know it's difficult to wrap our minds around.

We know the world is round, yet our daily experience of the world is of it being flat, which it is. The world in one sense is flat and in another round. Yet we hold this apparent contradiction, between our daily experience of the world, and what it actually is, comfortably. 

That the world is round is a more complex idea, than that the world is flat.

So when Ms. More Intelligence talks to Mr. Less Intelligence she naturally includes more complexity. But Mr. Less Intelligence unable to comprehend the single, simple, new idea soon becomes lost in the inherent contradictions. Mr. Less Intelligence eventually comes to believe that Ms. More Intelligence is just silly, unless of course he understands, complexity.

The key to developing intelligence is the cultivated ability to include and embrace what is initially experienced as fringe, radical and most often, frighting new perspectives. This introduces complexity and tension. At some point, if one stays and contemplates the complexity [for long enough], a new emergent reconciled idea is born.

One that comfortably holds ... paradox and contradiction.

The dinosaur of conversation

When was the last time you engaged in a deep intelligent and meaningful discussion. Not an argument but an enquiry and not for the purpose of arriving at an answer or solution, but just for the satisfaction of learning and inquiry.

It's not easy and most often it ends in disagreement, an argument or a fight.

That's because an inquiry plays by different rules, uses a different logic and comes to a different end.

Most conversations work with the rule of exclusion. This point is wrong, that area of study is wrong (and I can prove it), I don't like your opinion, so therefore I'm going to resist and exclude it. The logic of exclusion works to to suppress everything you don't like or doesn't support your ideoligical word-view.

What's left is invariably narrow, twisted and ideologically self-serving.

A more interesting conversion, one that can get a whole lot deeper a whole lot faster, works on the principal, and through the logic of, inclusion. Let the conversation itself become a mechanism for exploring the relative merits of differing perspectives, regardless.

The first is easier [which is why it's the more common], but not much is learned. The second is infinitely more demanding [which is why it's as rare as chicken teeth], but offers the potential for connection, learning and expansion.

Exclusion is violent and slow, inclusion non-violent and fast, and in the quest for results -- process matters.

In a world, at the leading edge, that's changing as fast as our, the former is the dinosaur of learning methodologies.

At the top of your game you play by different rules

Or the rules are determined by a new logic of playing.

As a sales consultant many years ago, I quickly learned that I hated my sales manager constantly looking over my shoulder, inspecting my prospect list and reviewing my diary for scheduled appointments. I hated being micro-managed.

I quickly learned that the rare sales consultants who consistently met their targets, where pretty left to do what they wanted.

They enjoyed, what appeared to me to be extraordinary freedom and autonomy.

It was only later I discovered -- They weren't playing by 'no rules', but by different rules, ones I could then neither see nor understand.

Self-motivated, clear and precise, supportive to each other, sensitive to opportunity, authentically close to their clients, intuitive, focussed, deliberate, softer and yet stronger, interested, less impulsive but more experimental, quick to move on from mistakes or errors, intelligent and playful, sure of themselves and open to advice.

A few of the qualities I noticed.

We all want to play by the rules of the next level, because from where we sit, they look like no rules at all.

Personal and mindset work, like reconditioning a jalopy

Imagine you inherit or are given a car, well in truth it's a jalopy, and the option to buy a new one doesn't exist. So your choices are to either fix it up, or use it as it is maintaining it to the bare minimum, hedging the bet that it won't break down leaving you stranded on the side of the road.

Although of course, this will happen.

If you embark on a program to recondition, you may have aspirations for it to be a rally, racing, luxury urban, green urban or off-road car. And what you envision is going to determine how you recondition it.

Not to mention the particular driving skills you'll need to master.

Since you have limited resources and you need the car to get around, it's not a once off process. It's an incremental or developmental one.

So, where do you start?

You start with the trajectory -- you want it to grow into a [insert choice] car.

And then you start with the least functional or most dysfunctional part or system. It may be the exhaust system, the suspension, parts of the engine, the electrical or parts of the body work. When that's complete you assess and move on to the next, and in time you will get back to where you started. You'll upgrade that [again] and cycle through everything else [again].

All the while developing your skills as the driver.

Personal and mindset development is much the same. If you don't want to excel, if you have no particular ambitions, there's really no point in reconditioning the car. And if you do there's multiple components, systems and sub-systems, each having their own techniques and methodologies for improving. 

So developing you intelligence is useful to a point -- did you know you can develop you intelligence, it's not a fixed asset. But without doing healing work or developing psychological robustness, which would be the same as fitting the best suspension and leaving the everything else, it's not going to work.

An intelligent and systematic approach to personal development is in the long run going to be more rewarding and successful, but initially less glamorous.

I'm not sure it ever gets glamorous ...

Getting past character flaws

Maybe is time to recognise that it's not a character flaw, it is your character.

Which is right?

Some need and want to believe in free will, but that does not make the theory of free will irrevocably rational or coherent.

Others may need or want to believe in divine authority or pre-determinism, and again this does not make the theory irrevocably rational or coherent.

They are theories which serve a purpose and equally have their limitations.

So, which is true?

This question is only valid if you're caught in the duality of either / or. And if you're caught in the duality of either / or, you're trapped -- And the idea of discovering or proving 'which is true' is not going to bring the freedom you desire, but only more deeply ensnare you in the very duality you're experiencing as stuck and frustrating.

The way to greater freedom [which we experience as a deep inner relaxation], and which forms a new basis for the development of further intelligence, is to become free from the question, 'which is right', itself.

And trying to drop the question altogether is just another form of suppression and violence.

Simply put -- We believe the way to escape the stress created through the recognition of opposing positions lies in knowing which is right and which is wrong. But this inadvertently ends up getting us more stuck, frustrated and stressed.

The way out is obvious, but contra-rational.

Whatever your belief, inhabit its opposite as fully as you inhabit the belief you need and want itself. In-so-doing you transcend the limitations of either / or, and you find yourself free. Free to create a new more intelligent theory with a new assumptive base.

One that says, there is no such thing as free will and yet there is -- Simplicity lies on the other side of complexity, not in the denial of it.

And in time the opposite of that will emerge, and the process begins again.

Sacrifice, the price of choice

It's obvious, the more unique and the faster and more profound we want want to be, the greater the sacrifice we need to make.

Being understood and implicit in that, accepted, may only be a slither of the price we pay.

If we want noodles for lunch, not only do we sacrifice eating every other possible food. We also sacrifice doing any other possible thing which we might have done, during the minutes it took to eat our noodles.

With every choice comes ... infinite sacrifice.

It's not making the choice, it's paying the bill that hurts like hell.

And yet!

If we deliberately and intelligently develop and follow our passion, purpose and relevance, we'll find ourselves free in the midst of ridicule [from convention], and from the artificial burden of sacrifice.

And that won't mean guaranteed success, just better odds and a lighter load.

Personality in a bottle

It's easy to forget, if ever we realised, that we experience and respond to the world from within a 'drug' induced state.

Change the level of the 'drug' and we radically alter our experience of life. We radically alter how we respond. We radically alter our personality. We radically alter who we think we are.

Where testosterone, oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, estrogen, noradrenaline and a host of other nuero, limbic and endocrinal chemicals are those governing and regulating 'drugs'.

We don't feel the effects of these chemicals. We just feel normal, and more or less consistent until the levels are altered even fractionally. Then our world collapses or we're re-born, depending on whether it was a good or bad trip.

Lövheim Cube of Emotion

Personality -- Introverted, extroverted, passive, aggressive, masculine, feminine, negative and positive, can also easily be understood as your personal blend of chemicals.

It's strange that what we feel to be so intrinsically 'soul' like and trans-personal is just the opposite, physiological and pre-personal.

Personal growth rhetoric -- False advertising?

Predictably, Yes and No

It’s true -- The more we understand of the mechanics of our psyche the better quipped we’re going to be to deal with the challenges of being alive, making a buck and moving forward.

It’s false -- The more aware we become, the more complexity and pain (including our own) we encounter.

Like any ecological, cultural or planetary systems, we inadvertently create more problems than we solve by tinkering with parts or sub-systems, without knowing or acknowledging the connectedness and interdependence of the sub-systems to the system as a whole.

Or, without knowing how things fit together and affect each other, in trying to fix one thing we inadvertently break others.

Or, we invest precious resources (our time and money) in trying to fix the wrong things.

You know the guy whose all ‘Gung Ho’ to assemble the product, and it’s only when he’s made a mess of it or gotten completely stuck, that he reluctantly reads the instructions.

Well that’s us ...

And I believe all personal growth programs which do not carefully and deliberately place their offering [slice of the pie] within the context of total psychological [mental, emotional and spiritual] growth on the one hand, and cultural development on the other, to be such an endeavour.

... all ‘Gung Ho’

PS
Many years ago when I was in India, I decided to do an intense yoga retreat. Ten hours of yoga per day for three months. The body did good, but the resultant depression nearly killed me, literally. It was a friend who dragged me away. The yoga teacher did not understand the impact of an intense practice, and I’m intense. He did not adequately prepare, frame my experiences or support me.

Many years ago when in Thailand I decided to do an intense thirty day meditation program. It started with ten hours of mediation per day and ended with five days of twenty-four hour meditation. That’s right, non-stop meditation and no sleep for five days. However, though-out the process I was supported by a qualified psychologist / meditation master, who both framed and supported the overwhelming reactions I experienced.

One 'Gung Ho', the other systemitised and integral.

Weird or suppressed and frustrated

If I had to ask you to imagine yourself as a wise and mature person, how in your minds eye would you look?

Whether we acknowledge it or not, if we are either seriously engaging in our own personal growth and development or helping others, that [unreal and abstract] picture is most often where we are trying to get.

And how accurate or reasonable may that be?

There's a world of difference between trying to mould ourselves into something [which we are not], and becoming the best most empowered expressions of who we are.

In personal development it's a question of knowing ...

what needs to be mastered
what needs to be transcended
what needs to be transformed
what needs to be developed
and what needs to be healed

And ...

personality is mastered and transcended
pathology, past unresolved pain and trauma, often called shadow, is healed
intelligence (and skill) is developed
mindset is transformed and mastered

In doing this we are almost certainly not going to become the idealic image we once imagined. We are though, going to become who we really are. And that person may just not be as well rounded as he ought to be, or as outgoing as you think she should be.

They could end up being fantastically, weird.

And working with weird is different to working with normal, which is just another way of saying, working with suppressed and frustrated.

Weird

... without mastery is just weird, and a little annoying.
          But with mastery, is powerful and attractive.

Taking mindset advice from an expert in ... [something else]

Speak to a hundred coaches or experts and you are going to get a hundred different interpretations of what mindset is, what it does, how to go about mastering it and even why it's important.

This makes understanding mindset, let alone working effectively with it, challenging.

And yet there's hardly a coaching or training program our there, from sports to marketing to product development, that does not dedicate at least a section to mindset. And in almost every case that section begins by stressing the overwhelming importance of mindset.

And although they're experts in their field and their intentions honourable, they're not experts in mindset.

But as coaches, consultants, educators and merchants of information and transformation, we all make this mistake. We are designed or pre-programmed to help.

I've noticed though that it happens more with mindset, and I assume it's because mindset forms such an integral part of everything we do. We are such an integral part of everything we do.

Why 'mindset mastery' and not 'mindset development'

Mastery implies an end-point.

Development an ongoing, never-ending, progressive process.

And although there is mastery in development and development in mastery, it is reasonable to talk of mindset mastery as distinct from psychological development.

But it's a subtle distinction which is useful in a way, and misleading in another.

We talk of mastering states of consciousness and mindset is a state of consciousness, a feeling. Mastering mindset is actually easier than psychological development, but the technique itself contradictory, to what one may imagine.

At the heart of mindset mastery lies two distinct skills.

On the one hand, to relax deeply into uncomfortable or challenging situations, and

On the other to re-engage from a place of open and interested inquiry.

The idea that if we truly accept an unpleasant or uncomfortable situation, we loose the desire to try to change it, is true. We would. That's why the idea of acceptance is so scary, and unpopular, especially amongst those who have big dreams and desires.

That's why learning to re-engage, but from a different place (with a different mindset), is so important.

The basics of this can be 'mastered' in months and developed and deepened over the rest of our lives. It's not something separate to going about our normal daily business, it just doing it with a different feeling, or for a different reason.

And such a small thing changes everything, both qualitatively and quantitatively, individually and culturally, behaviourally and systems, in ways that are impossible to even imagine ...

Paradox

Although we as people are equal the quality of our ideas and actions are not. Some ideas, philosophies and patterns of behaviour have more depth, compassion or intelligence than others.

This means that although we as people are equal, we are not.

Nine mindset insights

At the heart of our psyche lies three core mindsets.

The 'contracted' mindset
The 'deeply at peace' mindset
The 'expansive' mindset

We can shift very quickly between mindsets, but only one at a time.

The inner dialogue of each [as a feeling and not as a cognitive argument] runs something like this.

Contracted: There is something wrong [missing] and I'll participate, but only to the extent I have to in order to fix what is wrong or find what is missing. Then everything will be good.

Deeply at peace: I am free and there is nothing wrong. There is no particular need to participate [do anything] because life will find it's own way.

Expansive: I'm deeply at peace and there's nothing wrong, but I'm bored and would like to do something which I enjoy, am good at, and others find useful.

Feeling threatened physically or psychologically induces a contraction. When that fades we relax until we get bored, something else happens to threaten us, or something intrigues us.

Mindset is a core motive, driver or reason for participation. Relax the mindset and you also relax the motive [reason] to do anything.

It takes a high level of intention and skill to hold the expansive mindset, especially when we feel threatened.

Mindset is a feeling or a state of consciousness.

Each mindset goes about doing things in very different ways, using developed justifications, and creating different results. The results inevitably support the original assumption or motive.

Contracting when facing difficult or demanding situations is easier than either relaxing or expanding, but the results are worse.

There's a time

To a point we can learn the skills of doing more with less. To a point we are able to develop our capacities and efficiencies. [This applies equally to individuals and organisations, big and small]

     But only to a point.

After we have reached that point, and life, relationships and work continue on their inevitable path of escalating complexity, everything begins to hurt just that much more.

     And that escalates, exponentially.

This leaves us pushing back at everything we perceive to be not directly relevant, overwhelmed and frustrated or compelled to dismiss or ignore large chunks or areas of [our] life.

     And that hurts all the more.

What is required is 'the next level'. The next level of thinking and understanding. It's a new operating system complete with vocabulary, logic, patterns of behaviour and systems.

     And right there lies the problem.

The new level thinks in a new way, has a new more coherent identity, speaks and does differently, cherishes different values, builds different systems and gets different results.

There is a time for learning how to do more with less and there's an opportune time for an operating system upgrade. And of the two the level change is more subtle and traumatic, that is until you've intentionally done it a few times.

If you're done with building capacities and feel every inch you gain costs more in energy, it may just be that ...

     you're due for an operating system upgrade

Let's do the math

If global population growth is 1.3% per annum, this means the size of the global population doubles every (70 divided by 1.3) 53 years. That's called the doubling time. That mean 6 billion people on planet earth in year 2000 becomes 12 billion people in year 2053.

That means cities like Hong Kong, New York, London ... etc. will double in size, which means twice the food, resources, consumption, power, garbage, and transport in 53 years. -- It means more than double the complexity.

It mean that for every 1 power station now, there needs to be 2 by then.

This also means that what took us hundreds if not thousands of years to psychologically and physiologically adapt to, we have to do in just 53 years.

Exponential growth changes everything and we're just not noticing it.

The guys planning the roads are not seeing it. The politicians are definitely not seeing it. We're waiting for others to say, hey! there's a monumental challenge storming toward us.

But they're just not seeing it.

And we can't understand a problem or challenge we can't see, and we most certainly can't solve a problem we can't understand.

Exponential growth is accelerating toward us

One of the keys to understanding why now is different to any time in the past, lies in grasping the significance of exponential growth.

Imagine filling a swimming pool with water with a dropper, yet every new drop doubled in size compared the last one. And let's say it took an hour to fill the pool dropping one drop [doubling in size] every second.

At what time would the pool be half full ...?

At one second before the hour.

At what time would the pool be 1/4 full ...?

At two seconds before the hour.

And lets say we discover another 3 swimming pools as receptacles for more water. That's 300% more space than we ever had before. That's huge. How long would it take to fill those extra three pools ...?

Another two seconds.

It took one hour (360 drops) to fill one pool, but two seconds (2 drops) to fill the next 3 pools.

Our growth, consumption, production, debt are all measured and tied to exponential growth. And the simple fact is that exponential growth is unsustainable, it simply can't continue. No how, no way. And when we look around and say but there's still a half left of the total amount of whatever we've consumed or produced in the past ...

... it's one second before the hour. 

And even if we make incredible discoveries, it gives us a few more seconds -- seriously, is that the plan.

We are not in the early stages of exponential growth, we are in the later stages. The world is getting more complex exponentially. We are consuming non-renewable resources exponentially. We are affecting global warming and climate change exponentially. We are creating debt exponentially.

... and we believe

When we notice the problem we'll figure out a way to solve it ... and we will if we wish to survive, 

... however, we're not noticing the problem.

If we rely on conventional wisdom we'll only notice the problem milliseconds before the hour -- That doesn't leave any time to solve the problem.

I'm not asking now that we solve the problem, right now -- I'm asking that we notice the problem, contemplate it. Let in the significance.

What I Believe Is Not Important

The world as it is may be difficult and challenging, but what interests me is the future. However when you think about it, it's a weird position to take since I'm not really going to be part of it. It's a future for others, our children and theirs, not for me.

So I ask myself, what's the big deal in getting all excited about a future I'm not really going to be a part of, since I don't count another 40 or so years (at best) as anything significant.

And truthfully, is this future something I want to invest my time and energy in. If it is, I ask myself, given my talents and experience what's the most productive way to do so. A way that is going to deliver the biggest bang for the buck, or the highest level of meaning and satisfaction.

One of the insights I've had is that it's not worth investing in a present or current world view which holds that there's something dreadfully wrong with the way things are. It's easier to work with the world (and myself and others) if I accept that it's evolving, which means messy, and will always be facing unique difficulties and challenges.

However are we, as so many seem to be saying, living in a dramatic time facing unique challenges including probable systemic collapse? 

Is there something really urgent and important about now?

I don't believe the answer is nearly as important as how we get to the answer, because it's in getting to the answer that best helps understanding how to participate [or not] once we've gotten there.

But, I believe there is something unique and urgent about now, something we've never know or dealt with before. A collision of drivers, changes at various levels, and consequence.

But what I believe is not important. What I believe is important is whether I can do a decent job of describing to you what I see, in a way that will empower you to be more comfortable in making that decision for yourself.

This is my mission ...

Altitude and Objectivity

Standing in the midst of a crowd all one sees are the surrounding people. Climb up a few steps and you begin to see the group. And climbing a few more you see the totality of the crowd.

However, dare to climb a few more and with that altitude comes the ability to see the clustered groups and flows of people, moving to the restrooms, the canteens, the exists and entrances.

With psychological altitude not only do we get to see a bigger crowd, we also get to see the systems within the crowd. And then it shifts from being a crowd to a living organism, alive with parts and systems.

Psychological objectivity is not altitude and altitude is not objectivity, and methods for developing either are not the same.

How Do We Judge ...

 ... one choice, act, pattern of behaviour or system to be better than another?

Although things or thoughts may have there uses, more maturity is always more useful [better] then less.

More non-violence is always more useful than less. More knowledge [wisdom] is always more useful than less. More skill is always more useful than less. More care is always more useful than less ... etc.

There appears to be a directionality to psychological and cultural development, and that directionality appears to be from simpler to more complex. Just as biological evolution appears to be from small less complex organisms to greater more complex ones. 

And greater complexity appears to have a greater capacity for interior consciousness and awareness. I.e. the human brain is the most complex 'thing' we have discovered in the universe, and appears to hold the greatest capacity for consciousness.

So the answer to my question would be, a thought, act, pattern of behaviour or system holding more maturity would be better than one holding less.

On the surface and at first glance it may be impossible to discern whether an act holds more or less maturity, because the acts themselves could be identical. It's not so much the answer, but rather the mechanism of getting to, and the skill of expressing the answer that's important.

And that's why I love the question ... Why?

Ridicule Is Usually Reserved For Those Who Try

At home we have an Indonesian helper, Yulia. She helps with the girls, keeps our home in order and most importantly cooks the food. Now Yulia loves spicy food, as do I, but for sometime I haven't had the opportunity to eat spicy food, which means I'm at spicy gym.

It happens on occasion that Yulia gets a little over-enthusiastic, and my poor palette just can't cope. She rolls about laughing as she sees me huffing and puffing, turning all shades of red with beads of perspiration forming on my face.

My wife and family won't touch the 'hot stuff', but love to participate in the merriment.

Isn't it funny how our ridicule is most often pointed not at those who won't do anything, but rather at those who try, and by comparison fail.

There's Something Only You Can Do ...

I have a passion ... and I would like to share why I feel my passion is so important.

If our car needs servicing we take it to a mechanic. If we're sick we take ourselves to the doctor and they prescribe medication. If our TV packs up we buy another.

But what happens when our thinking, mindset and beliefs no longer serve us, is unable to cope with the complexity or just downright keeps us stuck.

What do we do then. Take out psyche to the mechanic?

What makes our mind different from anything else, is that only we can work to improve, fix and transform it. Others can help, show, teach or coach us, but no one else can do it for us.

Would you take your car to a mechanic who knows nothing about mechanics? Would you take you child to a doctor who knows nothing about medicine and physiology? ... Of course not.

In order to improve our lot, improve the world, which in most cases amounts to exactly the same thing, we need to 'heal' and 'upgrade' our mind [think software upgrade; iOS6], if you know what I mean. But to do that we need to know how it works, the mechanics of our psyche.

No auto-updates I'm afraid.

The more we know, the more empowered we become, and the better we understand and relate to others. The more we know the more effective and caring we become as a parent, boss, co-worker, leader, citizen and partner.

Although sharing words of wisdom has a value ... The real value lies in knowing how to work intelligently, effectively and compassionately with the hidden driver of all we are. Our very own psyche.

Achieving A Sense Of Balance and Relief

In yesterdays post I suggested replacing the idea of 'right and wrong' with the concept of 'more or less useful', and the post received two categories of feedback. Thanks for both :)

• There was a testimonial which was left as a comment, which I would like to share
• There was a suggestion which I'd like to follow up on

Let's do the suggestion first

"The blog I just read was interesting but my mind was looking for an example to illustrate how more or less useful might be applied".

Your boss says, 'that's the wrong way to speak to a prospect, you need to do it the way you were trained'. In your mind simply rephrase to sound thus. 'The way you spoke to that prospect was less useful than speaking to a prospect in the way you were trained'.

Why?

You observe your partner setting the auto-tune function on the new TV, and you see that it's going nowhere and you want to say, 'hey, you're doing it wrong, let me show you'. Instead you say 'hey, there's another helpful [useful] way to do that, are you interested?'

Why is your way more useful? What's really going on? Maybe your partner is having fun playing, and the point for now is not tuning the TV at all, but rather playing with the TV.

Something can be more useful in one context and less in another. Possibly several ways can be just as useful and you need to either choose or synthesise. Something that was useful yesterday, may not be as useful today.

Right and wrong tends to be rigid and polarising , whereas more and less useful, fluid and empowering.

The testimonial

How fortunate I was when I met you Paul. How pleased I am that I embraced these changes in my life. It was a huge relief to me and my sense of balance, when I stopped looking at everything in terms of right and wrong.

It helped me to be kinder to myself and then it helped me to me more compassionate and understanding toward other people. I did go through a period of confusion for a while after I started to be aware of how I was mentally labelling everything right or wrong and then once I understood how much more helpful it was to me to ask myself 'is it helpful or unhelpful?'.

I have freed myself up to stop judging not only others but also myself and given myself permission to understand why I do what I do instead of playing judge and usually jury as well.

Useful Is Of More Use than Right.

There's an experiment I would ask you to try, a game I would ask that you play:

For two weeks toss the words 'right' and 'wrong' from your thinking and vocabulary, and instead use the words ... 'more useful' and 'less useful'.

It's not that's it's right or wrong to use the words 'right' and 'wrong', it's just that it's of more use to frame things through the lens of 'more useful' and 'less useful'.

Regardless of the justifications which may arise causing you to question the inherent intelligence of this, the benefits of doing so will become clearly apparent once you have cultivated the habit.

Oh, and while you're at it, when listening to others, mentally do the same to the words they use.

Is My Discomfort Your Problem To Solve?

In a world of such difference of opinion, is it more useful to teach the skills of fitting in and of forming well rounded pleasant personalities, or of teaching the ability to both encourage and manage divergence?

We’re trapped. On the one hand we want to fit in and on the other we want to discover and be our own person. But as soon as we try, and it’s always going to be a little messy trying something new, someone takes exception to something we’ve said or done.

And the responsibility for their discomfort soon comes to rest on us.

What if instead of being taught that to make others feel uncomfortable was bad, we were taught that those who could not transform their own inner tension where the ones who were lacking.

We assume the result would be conflict (more than we have?), and it may. But how many of us know how to transform the feeling that arises when someone we don’t much care for says or does something we care even less for.

Is The World A Psychotic Self-destructive Mess, Or Filled With Wonder And Potential

Or anywhere between those two extremes.

Yes, it’s both a mess and filled with wonder and potential.

But there are two very distinct things at play. One is our experience of the world which is governed by our mindset or state of consciousness and the other, the reality of the world as it is.

Our mindset when contracted feels pain, a sense of dread, something, missing or something wrong, to the extent of the depth of the contraction. And because mindset’s so close and most of us so disconnected from or lost in what we feel, it becomes impossible to distinguish what we’re feeling from what we think the world feels like, and therefore is.

When we’re experiencing an expansive mindset, we feel joy, anticipation and a deep sense of interest in and connection with the world. And again it’s almost impossible to distinguish this inner experience from the outer reality.

We project how to feel onto a world that is neither and both.

The world itself has huge challenges, and in my opinion its share of psychotic self-destructive systems and tendencies, and it’s filled with both wonder and potential. Some of us have more experience with one than the other, but that does not mean both do not exist.

We face two challenges. The first is getting the hell out of the contracted mindset, which is also called the narcissist, ‘spiritual’ ego, scarcity and the victim, and the reason is because it’s almost impossible to engage meaningfully from there. And that has its difficulties.

The second is twofold.

1. Intentionally developing the expansive mindset and training ourselves to hold it even when things get tough, which although may sound demanding is not as challenging as the second. 
2. Developing the capacities and intelligence to look truthfully into the ‘way of the world’ and understand what’s really not working and why. And then to either fix or replace what needs fixing or replacing, based on our particular strengths, talents and skills.

But we need to be clear on our understanding and we need to free from anger, rage, anxiety and naivety, cos if we’re not, we just end up building them right back in again.

The tendency is for those in pain to quickly identify what they think is wrong, and for those in joy to simply not look. And here’s the paradox …

Those in pain and suffering make terrible investigators, but they’re the first to look, and those in joy, who would make better investigators, don’t care to look.

The truth is we need to inhabit an expansive mindset, but we also need to develop serenity, equanimity, maturity, skillful means and intelligence. Lost in either suffering or naive joy, although one may be more pleasant than the other, is still lost.

Are You Happy HERE?

You are HERE!

Are you happy here? Is here deeply fulfilling and meaningful? Is here where you want and chose to be? Is here successful?

Is the path that got you here, gonna get you there? Do you know where there is?

Are you lost?

We Are Evolving, It's Messy and Painful

What I believe we are experiencing right now, is, at the leading edge, the birth of a new level of consciousness. It is quite simply the birth of new emergent capacities in being and becoming, a rising, deepening and broadening of what it means to be human.

We have complex problems to solve and in order to solve them we are evolving new ways to think, new ways to behave and new ways to organise. In responding to what appears to be a world in crisis, we are adapting and we are changing.

What took evolution 10,000’s of years we are doing in decades and this is what it feels like, from within,

On the outside looking in it seems chaotic and on the inside looking out, miraculous.

The cup that is so full empties, making space for the new.

New ways of organising, require new ways of behaving. New ways of behaving require new ways of thinking. New ways of thinking require new ways of being.

Leadership, relationship, communication, business and governance, nothing is sacred, all will be transformed as the new emerges.

Is it guaranteed ... no.

Will it be painful ... yes.

And like all new life, it is precarious.

The World Will Never Know or Miss A Story Never Told

Here’s the thing about living in stories, which is what we do without knowing that that's what we do, and without intentionally having authored our own.

We end with our best role being the second fiddle character in the story of others.

Some stories we just don’t care about and they probably don’t have much impact on our lives. Some stories we can’t stand but since we can’t change them, we either accept or fall victim to them. Others we love, they empower, but only to a point, because they’re our own.

How many of us have taken the time to really understand, craft and embody our story, because it’s not possible to be a victim of the story we write.

It’s in discovering, knowing, living and embodying our story, that we are both empowered and liberated.

Saying NO, Doesn't Mean I Have To Say YES.

When it comes to shaping the societal world we live in, the two most important words in any language are YES and NO.

YES I give my consent and permission for this to happen, or NO I don’t, and of course saying nothing is exactly the same as saying, YES.

In the language of the Occupy Wall Street movement, the 99% are saying something and what we are saying is, NO.

I say ‘we’ because clearly I am not part of the 1%, which by default then makes me part of the 99%

We are saying NO to a pervasive culture of corporate greed, irresponsible governance and excessive governmental and federal influence. We are saying NO to governmental deregulation, which is the same as saying corporate self-regulation. We are saying NO to the legal concept that corporations have the same (if not more) legal rights than flesh and blood people.

We are saying NO to the way things are ...

So what is it exactly are we saying YES to?

We are saying YES, lets change the narrative, but we’re not quite sure of what to change it to since we’re in the process of working that out, and history can’t help. We are saying YES to a new type of creative dialogue and process of complex problem solving. We are saying YES to the idea that people are more important than profits, but and this is important, not that profits are bad.

Occupy Wall Street is a revolution in much the same way the 60’s where a revolution in consciousness. Will it succeed in creating a more humane, just and equitable social order?

It’s not the people in big business who are a problem, it’s the narrative of big business itself. The narrative is much like the narrative of Monopoly. ‘Carry on playing until no one’s left, but the winner, which of course means the game comes to an end’.

The narrative ends when there is nothing left ... nothing.

That’s where the story ends and #OWS is simply saying .... NO, it ends now, while we still have something of value.

The Gap

There is a gap and in this gap lies the 'lie we live'.

This gap is the distance between the values we strive to represent and the values our daily behaviour communicates.

But it stands to reason that if we're learning and growing there must be a gap, and we therefore liars.

Now if someone points out the gap, they have exposed the lie and who wants to be exposed as a liar.

But we must be liars if we are to grow, because only a rock can have zero gap between the values it strives to hold and the daily values it's behaviour communicates.

And I am a big fat liar since the values I strive to represent lie way ahead of the values my daily behaviour communicates, and the more I learn and grow the bigger the gap.

But because I have developed my capacity to become more interested in my growth than I am in protecting my image (as a non-liar), I give permission to those around me to point out the lies they see.

So please be gentle ...

And it's not comfortable and I am exposed, but I have made a choice and this choice demands I widen and embrace the gap.

Why We Need To Discern Good Information From Bad

How can we know the difference between good information that works and bad, that doesn't?

Good information empowers, bad enslaves, but with empowerment comes the need for evolving response-ability and mastery.

Good information although it's often initially more uncomfortable creates self-evident expansive shifts. Bad, although initially more pleasant or reassuring triggers a pathological contraction.

We experience expansion as happiness, connection, joy even ecstasy. We experience contraction as isolation, guilt, doubt and fear.

Bad information is addictive but passive. Good, interesting even intriguing, but difficult to sustain since it demands change.

Good information uses a methodology of scientific investigation with bad completely uninhibited by the need to verify the integrity of it's content.

As we embark on a path of developing personal identity and mastery for the purpose of enhancing performance, meaning and deep happiness, we need to become increasingly discerning of the information we digest.

Reinventing, Me

Let’s acknowledge and validate the classic midlife crisis. It’s cool, I’ve had 3, and I’m only 45.

Although we may picture a early 50’s balding guy with a paunchy gut, wobbly marriage, successful but completely uninspiring career, buying a porche and trolling for babe’s. This is a tragic depiction of what’s really going on.

Although admittedly, it’s traumatic even debilitating when experienced from the inside and denied as inappropriate from the outside. And let’s not kid ourselves, it not the exclusive domain of men any longer.

It’s a crisis of meaning, purpose and identity. It’s a time when the values that drove us to get where we are, are not the values that can possibly motivate us to get to where we need to be.

And although we may not be entirely sure of where that is, we are certain ... it’s not here.

A midlife crisis, if handled intelligently, compassionately and skillfully may be likened to a chiropractic adjustment, a realignment. It’s a time to consciously and intentionally reinvent and re-create ourselves aligned with a deeper more meaningful purpose and contribution.

It means it’s time to take the next step.

We’re going though a midlife crisis when life, relationships and work seems uninspiring, dull, grey and flat and in which you can’t see the meaning in what you do. It feels as if you are living someone else life, which in a way you are.

Let’s validate the midlife crisis as a profoundly intelligent psychological response to our need for a more compelling identity and future.

Strategy, Logistics, Outcomes

Strategy, the plan we make. Logistics, its execution.

Strategy, like choreography, a sequence of sets or combinations of moves.

Logistics, like martial arts, training, technique and tools.

The more sophisticated the mind that created it, the more complex the strategy, the more artful the execution and the more divergent the roles.

Inherent in strategy, like the air we breath, lies logic or reasoning, and reasoning like the leaves on a tree, hang on the assumptions (beliefs), complexity and mastery layered within.

That the purpose of business is solely for profit translates one way, that business is both profit and social response-ability, another. One strategy simple, one beautifully and richly more complex.

A masterful strategy may be designed, but if those who execute do not or can not grasp the inherent logic, the strategy, un-execution-able.

And countless [business, organisational and personal] strategies, grounded in mythic false assumptions like both mechanical and creative thinking respond equally well to carrot and stick, irrational, delivering the very outcomes they seek to avoid.

Why is that ...

Who Am I, Will Knowing That Help My Performance and Happiness

It’s obvious, right. You lie at the heart of your personal performance and well-being, and at the heart of your performance and happiness lies personal mastery [mastery over you], not self-control, that’s something else entirely.

If by mastery we mean an expert understanding and skill in ...

Is it possible to know who you are, because if performance and happiness depend on mastery and mastery depends on understanding [and skill], then understanding or knowing yourself is mission critical.

Yes it is.

I can’t explain in this post, not because it’s impossible, esoteric or wacky spiritual, but because you’re complex and it’s takes time to not only theoretically understand but experientially verify. Which is the only way you really get to know who you are.

A coffee machine is made up of components that work together as a unit. You, just like a coffee machine are made up of components which work together, including your brain, physiological and energetic components, much like a dog or cat.

But your have something unique. You have the capacity for self-reflective awareness. You can learn about you. You can master you, change your thinking, reasoning and behaviour, quickly.

This makes mastery important, and this what makes knowing 'Who Am I' important to your performance and happiness.

Everything is possible ...

... but some are just more probable.

Why Is It We Lose Our MOJO?

For some it’s the grind, the years and decades of high work, financial, relationship and family performance. It’s not that any of these are bad, it’s just they all drink freely from the cup of MOJO.

For some it’s a big traumatic event which hammered confidence and squeezed the MOJO.

For some the MOJO stopped when the goals of financial independence and professional recognition where satisfied, or whatever goals they may have been. Now the idea of creating a new life’s purpose needs some MOJO we just don’t got.

For some the MOJO we had, which got us here is not the MOJO we need, to get us there.

And for some the MOJO cup was just half empty to begin with.

But MOJO is not a scarce resource ...

We could wait for a lucky event to get the MOJO going, but that’s a bit like playing the lotto, or do what it takes to get the MOJO flowing.

MOJO though, second time round, is a little more tricky and takes a little more mastery ...

[Sunday Contemplation] The Value In And Hidden Trap Of Stories

It's worth remembering ... It's all a story.

We understand the cosmos and our place in it through stories, and it's the story that enables or dis-empowers. That Jews were to blame for the suffering of the Germans, the Nazi story. That the universe began with a big bang, the cosmologists story. That there is a heaven and a hell, the religious story.

Jesus is a story and he told stories and Buddha was a great story teller and most of what we know of him, is a story. Psychology is filled with stories as is theoretical mathematics and quantum physics. Democracy, autocracy, theocracy, all stories.

There is no truth, just stories. Some more consistent that others and others more probable than some, and all stories evolve.

We are driven by stories, we can't escape it. Part of growing up is becoming aware of the stories that motivate and shape our behaviour, and of taking response-ability for crafting better more useful ones when it becomes clear the problem is not with the world, but with our stories of the world.

The story though is not at all important, it's the effect the story has, that is ...

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