Sure some are born smarter, richer or more sensitive than others, just like others are born more positive or outgoing. But clarity, coherence and intelligence, although the starting points may vary, are developed just like everything else.
And one of the things I've noticed, is that intelligent people consistently have intelligent and deeply challenging conversations.
Learning, thinking and reflecting are all crucial tools, but it's in the difficult conversations that we really learn, and have our learning tested.
Intelligent conversations are investigative in nature, meaning they cause both discomfort and pain. And it's not the responsibility of the others in the conversation to protect us from our pain, but rather to [firmly and compassionately] challenge our perspectives, narratives and beliefs -- in other words our identity.
And there is always space for personal beliefs. As long as they are positioned as such, and not as the truth -- which by definition can only be something to which we all agree.
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