Asking your partner to meet your need to be loved is not expressing a need, it's expressing how you will feel after your need has been met. It does not help them understand what they need to do in order for you to feel loved or validated.
And although we may know how we want to feel, we most often have no idea of how to get there. And even if we did we’re afraid to ask, or we don't know how to ask in a way that actually works.
'Darling, I’m feeling vulnerable right now, could you give me a big teddy bear hug and let me know you care'.
This expresses to my partner, how I feel and makes a clear behavioural request they can easily understand and meet, if they so choose.
But it leaves me out on a limb.
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