07 October 2010

I can't commit to your deadline, sorry

I needed to call someone yesterday and give them some news which I knew they didn’t want to hear. They were expecting me to commit to a timetable I genuinely could not commit to, because my commitment depended on other connected circumstances ‘coming together’ over which I had very very little influence.

“They wanted a date and a very specific action which I sincerely could not commit to, given what I knew at the time”

So how do you handle a situation like this?

Let's recognise
The Scarcity Mindset needs to be liked and to be right more than it seeks to find a way to understand, establish or meet needs. It’s working from the assumption that failure is more inevitable than success and it’s working hard to prove that assumption.

The Abundant Mindset seeks to understand and create solutions (process) more than it needs to be either liked or right. It’s working from the assumption that needs can be creatively (unexpectedly) met and is working to prove that assumption.

Your head space
The truth is, you’re response-able for your head space so remain alert, present, open and relaxed even if things are said that leave you feeling very uncomfortable.

The golden rule of communication
Sincerely and skilfully find a way to connect (empathy) with the other person before trying to establish and meet needs.

Whenever they talk
Carefully and intentionally listen to what they have to say, hear their need/s, why they need it and when they need it by. Ask questions, it shows you’re listening, helps you understand and helps both of you gain clarity.

Whenever you talk
  • Implicitly or explicitly let them know you’ve heard and understand what they are saying (you can even repeat back to them how they feel, what they need, why they need it and by when they need it). 
  • Establish for yourself if it’s possible or reasonable for you to commit to meeting their need in the time frame they want or expect it by.Offer what you can commit to and let them respond 
Process
Create a sequence of measurable action steps if necessary, one at a time, from what you can commit to, to where you’d both like to be at a specific time in the future and then put it in writing.

Conversations summary
It’s a process and if you find either one of you have lost the plot - STOP and breath, call back if necessary.

Consequences
Whatever happens, accept the consequences and if you’re functionally in the wrong, deal with it.

2 comments:

  1. Awesome post. Cool technique. Love the 'response-able' link. And it's nice to consider that if we take responsibility for offering the very best of ourselves in any moment, then we should not take on more than what allows us to have the required meditation time to be our best, and so fulfill our responsibility, response-ably :)

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  2. Thx B, yes you make a good point and through dialogging with you recently I have become very aware of how we tend to structure things in a way that 'over-burdens' us, pulls us into the contraction and scarcity (victim), and once there we have little choice but to respond reluctantly. It's so important to take care of structuring our life and work intelligently right from the beginning. So good point and thx for helping me get some great practical insight into that.

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