So how does mindset help us cope and deal with, let’s say a home crisis where more than one family relationship has taken something more than a significantly toxic turn, and you feel violated, angry and resentful, and more than a little justified in your indignation and you see your life transforming into something resembling a second rate soap opera right before your eyes.
It’s hurts like hell and you’re in pain, you’re disappointed and angry and depending on the situation you may even feel persecuted.
No mindset cleverness, no philosophy and no spirituality is going to take that away, you need to own it, it’s your pain [anger, frustration, disappointment ...etc] and it simply does not matter who caused it or how they caused it, the pain you feel is yours. It may have been brutally intentional, woefully ignorant or devastatingly unskillful, but whatever the intention of those who hurt you, the pain they inflicted, is yours.
And no matter what, nothing you can ever do is going to lessen the pain you feel in this moment.
And moment to moment you have this simple yet repetitive choice to make, either turn and face the pain, walk into it, sink into it, experience and accept it fully and surrender to it, or try to push it away, distract yourself (with judgement and self-righteousness) and attempt to disown it, but if you choose the latter, beware, because now not only do you have the original pain to cope with, but you’ve also added to your tale of woes your own psychological suffering, and you did that all by yourself.
If you’re alive and breathing you are going to experience pain in your life, some more than others and some for a longer time than others, and who knows why these things happen, all I know is that we each have our own life and we each have our own pain and bitter disappointments to cope with.
You ok, feel a little more present now that you’ve just made the simple choice to just own your own pain, sure someone else hurt you and sure they’re a bitch, but you feel a little more whole now that you’re accepting, that the pain you feel is yours.
Take some deep breathes and settle down.
Now you need to make up your mind if being angry, right and ultimately dis-empowered is more important to you than dealing with the situation. This means that you need to remember to remember, because if you loose the plot, you are lost and nobody makes good choices when they’re lost, angry and confused, and any choices you make when you’re your lost is guaranteed to come back and bite you in the ass later, and you won’t remember then, that you where instrumental in getting your own ass bitten, because of the choices you make NOW.
It’s not possible for you to make anything more than your most intelligent, creative and skillful choices and responses, and the more you resist the pain the less intelligent, creative and skillful you’re going to be, and you’re going to have to live through the consequences of the choices you make now, then, for sure.
There is no golden recipe, there is no way to make better decisions than the best decisions you’re capable of, and tomorrow you’ll look back and notice how you could have made a better more intelligent decision today, but today is today and tomorrow you’re already wiser.
Accept now already, that later you’re going to have to deal with the consequences of the choices you make now, so unless you have to, don’t make too many decisions because when you’re in pain, you are not going to be making great ones, and the more you make and act on, the more consequences you’re going to have to deal with later.
Do your best to relax into the pain, make as few choices as you can, let things unfold, take this opportunity to learn objectivity. Remember, you have more opportunities and have to live through fewer consequences when you’re relaxed and making as few choices in this moment as possible.
Things will settle down, they always do and circumstances will pass and you’ll be left with the consequences of the way you behaved, and somehow in some weird way you’ve been, to a greater or lesser degree, influential in creating the situation you now find yourself in.
So settle down and find a way to respond response-ably to the circumstances of your life, as they unfold right now.
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